no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
