I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
