He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
