I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
