did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
