you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
