I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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