I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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