imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
