i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
