So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
