pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
