Where are you?
In a non slutty way
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
