I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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