You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Randomize
