I wish I could teleport
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
