You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
