yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
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Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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