Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
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I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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