I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
