dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
3 2 1 whiskey
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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