if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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