i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
