"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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