When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
