Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
