when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
