Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
