i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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