i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
whose parrot is this?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
