I'm pants shitting drunk right now
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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