Your dad touched me again.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
last night I used snow as a chaser
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