I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He? As in you personified your dick?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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