just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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