theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
