I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
