The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Still dying that you shit outside
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
