She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
