I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I need a beard to bite.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
