I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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