We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
