No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
is wine microwaveable?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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