Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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