Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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