you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
