I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I think people are normalizing furries
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