And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
