Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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