Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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