I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
