Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
