If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
