I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
