I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
