jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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