im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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