I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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