I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
