o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
