i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
