I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
