I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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