I cannot find my penis.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
