I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
