We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i drank out of a bidet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
