I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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