I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
