happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
