Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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